DISROBED

DISROBED

I got disrobed
And ashamed I am
To be called a woman

To the sex
Shame I brought
Mine,
Unable to uphold

Before the fall from grace
I was learnt in the school
Of thoughts surrounding
The woman

I was a believer
That for happiness
Pleasing thyself
Is first and foremost

I was a believer
That even in love
Your personality
Guard

I was a believer
In the free living spirit –
Live and let’s live
Most importantly
The independent woman

Then the story began …

I fell in love
With one I ought to
Have run from –
Like you once said
‘I should run from you
We are too similar’

I ought to have run
Because we were like
Of one make
And too common in nature

But this commonness
In it was sweet
That tied me
In it was safety
That I wanted always
In it was care
That all my life
I craved for
To make me, me

The journey resembled
That from the west
To the Niger Delta
The roads were smooth not
But a determined driver must try.

So I tried
At the right times
The brakes I used
At the wrong times
The accelerators
Coming in words
I used
The driver’s seat was
Too uncomfortable
And I thought
Probably I am the passenger

When the accident
Was about to occur -
The accident that woke me -
I was unprepared
And without the seat belts
A decision I had to make quick -
Like a doctor’s mind
Torn between saving a life
And police report for
The gunshot victim

I made a decision
Protect another’s heart
Just to
Not because I loved you less
But because
The bullet you pick
Was with venom watered
And in the recipient’s heart
Would have spread
Till life was taken

I couldn’t be a murderer of heart
Endured I have
What I wouldn’t have from another
To constant scrutiny
I subject myself
Because prove
I wanted to you
That I could be what you wanted

Myself I blame for that
Because I allowed it to happen
But I did it out of love
Don’t you see it?

I might have a thousand
Times lied
But with cause
After a reality of
Your inability to stomach my truths

My defenses are quick to rise
Just so I could protect my heart
When you come questioning
Because my heart have learnt
To fear when you question
Because my self esteem suffers
When you question
My confidence goes flying
Like demons cast out by
The Holy Power

In a matter of time
Named I was –
Slut, betrayer, double dealer -
Because already
You judged me
And I was condemned
Unfortunately
The defense rests its case
Because it never got its chance
Just before the gavel fell


I got disrobed
And ashamed I am
To be called a woman

Oct. '06

(c) Uzezi Ekere.

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