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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Desperate Housewives

......So I write this new column called 'Desperate Housewives' in the new weekly ‘Extra Newspaper’ where I discuss issues that women are faced with which forces them to take actions that could either save their marriages or change their status from Ms to Mrs. The pains some go through in the hands of men, yet they struggle to keep the relationship etc.

Read the first edition below.

Have You Found It?

Over the weekend, I had the opportunity of chatting online with an old girlfriend whom I haven’t communicated with in over a year. I had actually lost her phone number when my phone was stolen.

Honestly, I should have left her offline messages because I was the only one with a means of reaching out, since I knew where she lived and had changed my phone number, making it almost impossible for her to reach me. Besides, I was living in a different state and she has never visited me there.

Seeing her online, I buzzed her and we got chatting. Catching up on news about us and by the end of the evening, I was all smiles because I was deeply and really happy to hear all the good things that have happened in her life in the short time we hadn’t communicated.

She relocated to the US. Halleluyah! She got married! Double Halleluyah! To an African American! Triple Halleluyah! That’s right. I thanked and praised God on her behalf and prayed His good favour in her life will know no end because if there is anybody who deserves to be really happy- and I could touch and feel the happiness from her words- she does because she has been through so much in the hands of fate and men. Hmm!

The society is full of activities. You never know what goes on behind closed doors of many homes. The grass has always looked greener on the neighbour’s lawn. You never know what lies behind that lady’s smile when you tell her how lucky she is to have found it.

What exactly is it? It has different meaning to many women. For some, it is a man with wealth. For others, it could be love or children, or the perfect career, or a combination of all. It could be winning a jackpot of marrying a foreigner and getting a quick visa to citizenship of a developed country. It could be more than I can possibly imagine or name. At the end of the day, it is peace and happiness and contentment. So the question is, how many women really have it?

A man with wealth, doesn’t guarantee that a woman’s problems are over. Marrying a foreigner and living abroad doesn’t either. We only need to look at the divorce rate in the western world to realise that it isn’t perfect anywhere for women.

Nevertheless, the society is full of desperate women and housewives who will do anything to have it. Desperation has given rise to the number of depressed women in the society in need of help.

There are some desperate women whose desperations are well founded. I cannot say the same for others who are still in a position to change their situation but choose to do nothing about it because of greed or very wrong orientation to what they feel they deserve.

The society even, is responsible to some extent for the situation most women find themselves in. When does a girl become a lady and when is it not proper anymore or respectful to call her a lady but a woman?

Why does it have to be a stigma not to be married after a certain age? Why does most men get away with so much evil behaviour with no regard whatsoever for the trauma they cause the woman with their actions? Yes. I call it evil.

A woman wakes up one morning and her perfect life is suddenly over. She had the career, she had the man, she had the children and most importantly, she had love. In just a moment, he says, it is over. He’s found someone else who is about to have his baby. What is she supposed to do?

A woman searched for so long to find a husband. Then she gets him, and in a matter of months, realised they cannot be together due to several factors, but they try to work it out. Or rather she does. Then all of a sudden, he disappears, with no trace whatsoever. Two years and still counting he is AWOL. What is she supposed to do?
He was her first love. They’ve been together since they were teenagers. They are ripe for marriage, but he keeps postponing. She doesn’t mind, because they are madly in love and she knows eventually they will tie the knot. She had no reason to worry because they were meant for each other. And one day, by accident she discovers he has a baby and still sees his baby mama and realises the reason he wouldn’t commit is because he probably wants to bring up his child with his baby mama. What is she supposed to do?

This is the world of desperate housewives. Whether you are married or not, this is your world to learn and to share your pains as long as you are woman and wife material, because we cannot help not being desperate, if we really must have it. It can come like all good gifts which comes free, but we have to work to keep it.

Eyes have not seen, ears have not heard, nor has it entered into the hearts of men the extent a woman would go to have it. We fall, but we rise again. We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed because we know, that as long as there is life, there is hope of finding it.

Share your story with us.


  1. Hey babes, pls no vex for me, i saw your sms was in Abj and made a mental note to call and it totally skipped my mind..am so sorry..il call you tonight..
    As per the post, beautiful, but it should have been called desperate single girls or something..meanwhile i have never heard of this newspaper o!
    Well, talk to you tonight

  2. Lovely column, I like the title. Where is the paper based? Life as a woman is always interesting, I hope you get lots of readers.

  3. @ doll- the paper is two months old and a weekly. Out every monday. ask a vendor

    @ Myne Whitman- based in Lagos, circulates nation wide

  4. Wow this is a great post!!! I love the twist at the end...I hope you'll share future articles on this blog!
    Best of luck!!!

  5. @ Blessing - thanks. sure, I ll always post them. Not all sha.

  6. This is Interesting, well analysed. My cents here though, just my contribution. Ms. Is generally use for women married and unmarried from feminists perspective. It is a means of referring to women without referring to her status whether married on single.

    You said when do women get call women and not ladies, in fact it is when do they stop calling us girls and women? Many has no clue that age makes us women and not marriage!

    It is a tough situation but we really don’t have to be desperate, easier said than done, I know but every girl needs to be taught that her life exists because she was made for it, to live it, enjoy it and love it. She should be the centre of her own very world. She needs to be taught self reliance and her fundamental rights. She needs to know that marriage is a companionship and that if she has it or not her life is hers.

    The world is abound by stories of marriages that work and the ones that do not, the ones that led to the death or the ruin of a spouse etc. It is good for human being to have desires and where they want to be in a few yrs but it is good for us to be open minded and learn to or try to learn how to hold our own. This might appear more difficult than it is but we always have a choice.

    hope you will post the rest of the article...

  7. Congrats with the article.. I enjoyed reading it...:)

  8. @ StandTall-The Activist- I like this 'Many has no clue that age makes us women and not marriage!

    @ Ms. O- thanks babe

  9. Where dem dey sell the Newspaper o? I wan subscribe!

  10. Interesting
    would watch out for subsequent posts here

  11. iLOVE it!

    Congratulations ZayZee

  12. @ AlooFar - try ask vendor. Do really want to subscribe?

    @ StandTall-The Activist - u welcome

    @ Olufunke - no wahala

    @ mizchif - thanks