Thursday, December 09, 2010

Desperate Housewives (When to Let Go )

As published in the `Desperate Housewives`column. Extra Newspaper.

She had thought about getting a divorce several times. Each time she did, she quickly vetoed the idea for several reasons. It has been three years of marriage and the best she has gotten is her daughter. If Priscilla were older, maybe she would have decided long ago. But her daughter is only two.

Modupe drives a good car and lives in a beautiful house. She works as a secretary in a telecommunications company. She is an elegant lady to behold with a ready smile that attracts people to her. When men meet her for the first time, they are awed by her down to earth attitude. They tell her that her husband is lucky to have snatched her off the market.

Modupe met Larry five years earlier onboard an airplane on her way to Dubai with her friend Pat. They were going on a five day shopping holiday in preparation for Pat’s wedding. He had an aisle seat like Modupe and soon engaged her in a discussion. He asked to be invited to the wedding, saying he could be lucky to meet his future wife there.

Six weeks later, Modupe and Larry were testing the waters. She knew she wanted to get serious with him from the onset, but there were times he seemed uninterested.

Thinking it was because of a lady called Rita whom he once introduced to her, Modupe wanted to know what had happened to her. He said they dated a long time ago and were just friends. Later, it was easier for her to believe because Rita became engaged, married and moved to the UK with her husband.

They dated for two years before Larry asked her to marry him. She wasn’t expecting a proposal because their relationship wasn’t very serious. Larry was neither in it nor out of it. Although he was good to her and provided her with whatever she wanted, the emotional connection was missing. Yet, she agreed to marry him because he was different from all the other guys she had dated. He never promised her what he wouldn’t give. He always stood by his words.

Their marriage ceremony came and went. The first few months were an improvement on their relationship and she believed that Larry had finally taken a turn and she relaxed. She had her baby on their first anniversary. A week later, Larry traveled to the UK for business. The week he returned was the week her marriage ended.

He told her passively that he ran into Rita and was surprised to learn that she was divorced and had returned to the country. She waited for him to say more and he didn’t and she didn’t know what to ask.

The subject of Rita was a difficult one. All he told her about Rita was that they dated. The rest she found out from her sister in-law. Larry and Rita were together for six years. They broke up because her parents refused Larry who was from Edo state. They wanted an Igbo son in-law. It was two years after the break up that Modupe met Larry.

That week turned into months, and it is two years. Now, they live as housemates. He still gives her everything. He adores their daughter, but they don’t live as husband and wife anymore. Larry came home from work one night and said he would sleep in the guest room. It continued the next day until it was constant.

Modupe sat him down one day and asked what she did wrong. Larry apologized. He said he knew he wasn’t being a good husband. He told her that despite what she thought, he did love her. He asked that she be patient with him that he was going through a personal crisis. Having everything doesn’t mean anything to her anymore because her husband wasn’t hers.

She doesn’t know what Larry wants. He hasn’t said he would leave her for Rita. He spoke with Rita once in a while, but Modupe knew he wasn’t having an affair with the lady. Yet. Larry was the type of man who was faithful to a cause. And he went out of his way to let Modupe know about his movement because he did not want her thinking he was secretly seeing Rita.

Yes, she had thought about divorce several times. And each time she did, she quickly vetoed the idea for several reasons. For one thing, Larry was a very good man whose emotions were at pieces. It hurts her to think of it, but he was trying to make it up by making sure she lacks nothing. She had asked him if he wanted to leave her for Rita, he shook his head and said he couldn’t do such to Modupe because she didn’t deserve it. Again he asked that she be patient that what he was trying to do was get over Rita completely.

And there was their daughter to consider. She wouldn’t put her through a divorce. Modupe is hoping that Larry’s demons would be exorcised in time so she can have her husband and marriage back. How long will it take? Will she have to let go?
*Share your story with us. Names and locations will be changed.

9 comments:

  1. If she divorces him, Rita would move in before the ink dries on the divorce papers!

    He is still providing for her abi?..only the 'magic' is missing chei?....then keep your cool MODUPE, there are many ways to kill a rat, divorce ain't one of them!

    It's possible that, this is what the hubby wants from her, hence, not getting emotional attached to her,so out of anger, she leaves him, & he won't be blamed for their separation. Becox if MODUPE is asked why?, by the family, what tangible evidence does she have?

    They would even tell her she is lucky to find a man who meets all her needs, adores their child & tells her about his movements. IF NOT, HE COULD HAD SIMPLY RENTED ANOTHER APARTMENT FOR RITA & CONTINUED WHERE THEY STOPPED WITHOUT HER KNOWING UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE! ...or is it possible they have had an oath during those 6years of dating that had kept his heart in bondage?....THIS IS WHY SHE MUST KEEP HER PEACE & SEEK THE FACE OF GOD SERIOUSLY.

    As for the RITA of a gal....she is being selfish & thoughtless to have even renewed their relationship! THEY ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER, HENCE THE HUBBY BEGAN STAYING IN THE GUEST ROOM! HIS CONSCIENCE IS PRICKLING HIM!

    It's really a pity,& she should get both parents involved if he had not yet 'come-around'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. diff strokes........





    *howz d fam?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mostly agree with Nitty's take on this. This man is very wicked - he is playing the waiting game and dishing out some serious emotional abuse while he's at it. I'll not give him the satisfaction of getting angry thereby making it easy for him to get to the next stage of his plan. I will make sure he regrets it, though. It is him I will deal with, not her. And by the time I'm done, even his family will not want to know him!

    'Hell hath no fury'...as the saying goes. I like Nitty Gritty's line: "there are many ways to kill a rat, divorce ain't one of them!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hmm...this is a tough one. Seems like the marriage was doomed from the get go....

    ReplyDelete
  5. I feel for her.
    Prayer is the key when it;s this difficult.
    Hi Zayzee...am kinda back...

    ReplyDelete
  6. RED FLAG!!!

    They dated for two years before Larry asked her to marry him. She wasn’t expecting a proposal because their relationship wasn’t very serious. Larry was neither in it nor out of it. Although he was good to her and provided her with whatever she wanted, the emotional connection was missing. Yet, she agreed to marry him because he was different from all the other guys she had dated. He never promised her what he wouldn’t give. He always stood by his words.

    WTF is that?! The emotional connection was missing? And she married him? smh. I am angry at Modupe for allowing herself to be convinced by the "but he's a good man" swindle. Yes, he's good to you, but is he good FOR you.

    I want to shake her sooooo bad. I don't know why I'm so angry, but I am. What she should she do? I honestly have no words for the situation.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is a hard one to be honest I couldn't say this is what I'll do if this was me. Perhaps a period of separation may help them define things. It's clear that she was second best but for as long as she makes herself available to him she'll always be that second best. Now that she's made a home for him and they have a child together he needs to evaluate and she needs to give him that space to do that. Leave home for a bit and let him assess what's more important to him. The woman that is his wife and mother of his kids, or the woman whom he once loved or perhaps still holds a torch for.

    ReplyDelete
  8. you know,its quite easy to say stuff like 'hang in there' and 'do not give him the satisfaction of a divorce or separation' because staying with someone that's supposed to be your partner who doesn't show any emotional attachment to you is quite torturous and emotionally draining. Can't imagine what this lady faces everyday! I think the two of them should sit down and talk over it and if any of them has to compromise in any way, then a quiet separation is in order. nuff sed!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. A man can love his child but not the mother of the child.....and if a man does not love you, staying glued to him by marriage will only make you miserable. Modupe needs to think about herself, her future and what she wants out of life and have a proper discussion with her husband instead hiding from her troubles...and the earlier the better, even for the child. Children also notice when thier parents are not having a normal relationship and it is better your child grows up in an imperfect but stable environment than in a perfectly unstable environment. If it will never work, you can't force it. Life is transient, where you are right now does not have to be where you end it!

    ReplyDelete