The problem began on the night of her wedding and continued into the second year of marriage. She and her husband have become strangers living in the same house, not the two people who came together to be one flesh that day that everyone gathered to rejoice with them.
Bukola’s wedding was a big occasion because her family had almost given up on her when a man appeared. So when Abbey proposed, she was overjoyed and within a year of meeting each other, they were married.
She met Abbey at a singles function that was organised by her church. Being in the choir, she led the praise and worship that evening and he approached her after the programme to commend her voice. As they walked outside the church together, he told her his mission. He wasn’t exactly a member of her church but being in the media, he went around churches looking for good programmes he could get sponsorship for to air on TV. He wanted her to direct him to the right person and she did. They parted ways, exchanging information.
Bukola is a born-again Christian who basically grew up in the church because her father was one of the elders. Being a missionary’s daughter, she was brought up to understand what is proper and improper for an unmarried girl to do. Her mother always drummed it into her ears that her body was the temple of God and fornicators will be punished by God.
And in making sure that she wasn’t in any way soiled, she attended an all girls secondary school where her mother was a teacher and when it was time for her to proceed to higher institution, she was registered in the one close enough for her to commute from home daily because her parents didn’t want her to become like the girls they see, who become transformed the first year they get into the university.
Being born again, Bukola did not encourage boyfriends. Besides, she really wanted to remain a virgin till her wedding night and she could see and hear sex written all over the language of the guys who approached her. She trusted God to be faithful to bless her for trying to live a holy life.
The years after university were the most trying for her. Her parents believed she must have committed a terrible sin which was why God was punishing her by not sending her a husband. She was subjected to rigorous fasting and praying and deliverance exercises. Bukola couldn’t dare move out, so she prayed for a husband and waited.
When Abbey called her two weeks after they met to seek her opinion on a small job her church was giving him, she was surprised and glad and hoped he was a good person.
He turned out to be a good person. He was funny, outgoing and loving and she fell in love for the first time in her life. He invited her to his church but she couldn’t go because she led the choir and it shouldn’t be heard that the deacon’s daughter attended a Pentecostal church.
During their short courtship, Abbey liked to talk about very personal things she wasn’t comfortable with and he always laughed and called her shy. He even joked about his never having a virgin before and thus was encouraged to go along with her desires until they were married. He even got closer to God.
But when that night came, she remembered all she had being taught. He tried to make her relax and asked her to go along and enjoy sex. But she couldn’t. She was a Christian. She was told a lady who enjoys such pleasure is a daughter of Jezebel. All she could manage was to lie still and at the end she went into the bathroom. The next morning he tried to make her understand it was okay because they were married. Still, she couldn’t discuss such topic with him. She couldn’t be naked where he was. He asked they go for counselling in his church but she refused. His church was too different from hers.
In the early months of marriage, their nights were a repeat of their clumsy wedding night. Gradually, Abbey stopped touching her. Initially, she was relieved by it and her fears of nights were banished. But as months passed without him making any move towards her, she suddenly realised that she had lost him; the fun and outgoing Abbey was gone and replaced by a quiet and withdrawn man.
So one night, she cried her heart out to God.
To be continued next week.
The story appears as it was published in the 'Desperate Housewives' column, in Business Hallmark Newspapers last week. Stories are real and are shared to educate women and also for advice. Names are changed for reasons of privacies. If you have a story to share, yours or the story of someone you know, feel free to contact me.