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Tales of the Heart: I'm scared I would cheat!

No, my life is not threatened but my marriage is! My husband has told me categorically that he can never lay his hands on me again. I don’t mean domestic violence but sex. My husband will not engage in sexual intercourse with me anymore.
I thought it was a joke when he said it, but eleven months later, he is standing firm that he can never do it.

We are in our third year of marriage and have an eleven month old daughter. At this stage in our lives, everything is supposed to be super fine with us because we are this successful young and beautiful family – we are both under 30 and work in big multinationals and live in our own house that we both pooled our resources together to purchase last year.

Everyone who sees us on the outside, even our friends and families believe everything is super terrific with us because that is what we show them, but this is far from the truth.

Melvin was my first boyfriend and lover. I was his also. We basically grew up together, though we didn’t attend the same schools, we have been officially in a relationship since we were sixteen and our families, who are friends, knew.

Because of our strict Christian upbringing, we always knew that sex was a no go area until we were married and we kept our promises to God and to each other. It was easy to tell he kept his promise to me on our first time when we married at 26 because he was absolutely terrible at everything and extremely nervous. I knew what to expect because I have being anticipating sex for a very long time and secretly hoarded and watched so many sex movies just to train and prepare myself. So I definitely could imagine and knew the kind of joy and pleasure I was to receive from my husband when we married because the movies taught me well and I helped myself using my hands.

So come wedding night and my greatest disappointment at my first time. But I didn’t tell him of course. What I did was encouraged him until he could make me feel very good and happy.

Even when I finally got pregnant, my husband was scared to come near me so he wouldn’t hurt the baby, but I showed him all the research online that said it was alright.

I have come to understand this about myself, that I am an extremely sexual person. I love sex and the only person I can exhibit my likeness with is my husband whom I love so much.

So I had my daughter after the most painful experience of my short existence. The doctors were ready to operate but my mother and mother in-law refused and brought out their bibles and holy water and anointing oils and holy handkerchiefs, they prayed and called down heaven so I could deliver like a real Hebrew woman.
I was in hell and screaming. The doctors said I couldn’t because my pelvic was too small but the grandmothers to be prayed my pelvic open and miraculously, after almost 24 hours of screaming, my daughter made her entrance into the world and I was badly torn and the stitching was worse and after the experience, right there, my husband promised he would never lay his hands on me again. He said he couldn’t bear to have me go through that again.

We all laughed over it eventually. I did the hot water sitting and all sorts and well, I healed with many bumps and rough surfaces courtesy the stitches. I, who went through the whole experience healed, but my husband who saw it all, is yet to heal.
I am going crazy. I need to be touched. I need to have sex. I need to experience what I have missed for over a year but he won’t bulge.

I am young. I work in a multinational company. I meet guys and I am beautiful and shapely. Despite my ring and having a baby, I still have suitors. I am receiving too many flirtatious remarks and looks and body gestures from certain gentlemen and they are beginning to make me feel hot inside. I am scared. I have made attempts with my husband but the last time, he almost slapped me out of anger and he was crying and apologizing later that he just couldn’t because he was scared. I have promised not to get pregnant and he says I am not God.

What else can I do? There is no one to discuss this with; definitely not my mum or his. We weren’t brought up that way; they would think I am possessed. Somebody please help me save my home before I lose my mind.