I feel a heavy load of restlessness that isn’t a burden. I recognise it. My lips are twisted with a smile and this look pasted on my face that might make someone think I am planning mischief. Well, I am planning, but it is not mischief.
The first time this restlessness descended on me, was more than a decade ago when Success Is Who You Are by Sam Adeyemi, was newly published and I was reading it. It began from the very first chapter, this urge to do something and it kept getting stronger as I read further, that it was disconcerting. I couldn’t focus. I knew something was happening to me but I couldn’t catch it. When a push comes, we either fall in line or fall out of it. Neither happened to me. I didn’t know any better because, at that time, I was a baby Christian and didn’t understand the Holy Spirit was the one pushing me to do something. I am ashamed to confess that restlessness made me unable to finish reading that book and to date, I am yet to read it. I see it on my shelf and I look away knowing what would happen should I attempt to read it again.
Recently, I wrote out a declaration to read daily at the end of my quiet time and it aligns with some beautiful verses from Isaiah chapter 40 to 66, which I have personalised and meditate on daily. I asked to recognise the trigger the Lord will use for me and help to prepare for what is coming so that I wouldn’t miss my opportunity.
Now for the past few days, that restlessness is back. My head is full and I see everything that is flying about in there so vividly. I stand looking at myself in the mirror and smiling but I am not smiling at my reflection or admiring my scattered locs; I am smiling at everything happening inside my head because this time around, I won’t be running away. I have a better relationship with the Holy Spirit and I am not about to let Him go. We will sort my head together and allow that trigger I have been calling forth, to do its job. I am restless but very ready. And yes, that book is down from the shelf.