He said I should ask Him for a birthday gift and immediately, the waterworks started.
I went into His presence
this morning not to study the Word or meditate on it. I went not to show
appreciation for all He has done for me or to pray. I simply went into His
presence to vent on the first day of July because somehow, I found myself in
that place nobody loves. Gloom accompanied me to bed and woke with me.
I knew I wasn’t going to
achieve any meaningful work today so waited for my husband and kids to leave
for work and school because I wanted to sulk alone. Being alone and sulking are
The rest of the day ahead
was glammed up in gloom, patiently waiting for me at the front to present
myself, like a bride approaching her groom at the altar. I didn’t want to be a
late bride, so made haste to finish the morning chores so I could finally glide
down and commit 100% of me, mind, body and soul to gloom for a memorable date.
But the Holy Spirit didn’t
let me. He knew the barrage of thoughts the enemy had in store for me once I
took that final step into his presence. As I tackled some chores, He whispered
“Talk to me.” I didn’t feel like ‘talking’ to Him. This day will belong to
gloom. At the end of the day, I will shake out of it and call on Abba.
He still wouldn’t let me. He
knew my instant motivational verses posted on my wardrobe door weren’t what I
needed this morning. “Talk to me, Uzezi.”
I’m not going to read the
“That’s okay,” He said.
I don’t want to feel
“That’s okay as well.”
And then I started to vent.
He kept quiet and listened. At a point, I told Him I knew the enemy was going
to have a field day dragging me and I don’t have the strength to stop him. He
didn’t push me to ask Him for strength.
I said, “I have been here
before. Time and time again, You lifted me from this pit. I feel so guilty
coming to ask for the same thing.”
“Uzezi, if you cannot come
to me for help, who can you go to?”
And that reminder that I
could go to no one for help turned my vent parade into a thankful Thursday. I
didn’t have to count my blessings one by one to know what the Lord has done. I
didn’t need to taste and see that the Lord is good. Is everything about my life
not a testimony?
I felt free as a bride who finally
realised on her walk down the aisle she didn’t want to marry the groom. I wasn’t
going to be his victim.
But my Lord wasn’t done with
detangling me from Mr. Gloom.
He said, “Ask me for a
And the dam broke. My vision
blurred as my face carried the tears whatever way they wanted to flow.
I wanted to say “Surprise
me, Lord.” But He reminded me, He was still going to do that. So, I promised to
get back to Him on the gift. He doesn’t need ample time to prepare. Minutes
later, I asked the Holy Spirit if I could make a list and guess what He said.
He is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that I can ask or think …
PS: Even when we have
everything going for us, the enemy can come to take one insignificant
occurrence and blow it out of proportion. If we aren’t careful, we spiral down
to the enemy’s will for us.
I don’t know where you are,
but if you are having one of those blue days and need to vent, He is waiting to
And by the way, today is not
my birthday. Have a fabulous July.