Monday, July 27, 2009

The Crash Picture (I Saw Death Yesterday)




read the story below.

I Saw Death Yesterday

I saw death yesterday, but God has better plans for me. He finally made me believe that there is a reason why He has been keeping me alive. It wasn't my first time driving down that road, nor second, nor third.



 

I can't thank God enough. I am still dumbfounded the accident happened, but to God be the glory. I was driving with three passengers and we are all alive. Only the person beside me had minor injuries and he has been discharged.


I am alive and I am proclaiming that the Lord is good and faithful. Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Monday, July 20, 2009

MARRIAGE SOFTWARE

My boss forwarded this mail to me, it is so funny and at the same time correct that I decided to share. Enjoy.


 

MARRIAGE SOFTWARE

This is what a guy wrote to a systems analyst (Marriage Software Division):

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.
In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialisation and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Girls 5.3" no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. attempting to operate selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend 7.0", but uninstall doesn't work on this program. Can you please help?

 
.... AND THIS IS WHAT OUR ANALYST SAID:
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program.
Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT
PROGRAM.

Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
designed by its Creator to run everything on your current platform. You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed.
Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\ FORGIVE ME.EXE a number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it, consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS\ KISSES 600.0" or "TENDERNESS\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0" or even Eating out without the Kids 7.2.1" (if Child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly

CRASH.
Thank you.
System Analyst
Regards,
--

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Oh Yes I Did

I turned a year older on Sunday. I don dey young dey go o. Anyway, I thank God plenty for the many blessings in my life. For all the testimonies He has given me. For preserving my life and being ever faithful. For the Holy Spirit's guidance and direction when I found a scorpion in my kitchen sink. For giving me the strength to kill it before it hurt me. He never lied when He said He will give His angels charge over me. God has been good.

For keeping me sane when Satan tried to attack my mind and belief recently, wanting to steal my joy away. But thank God, because His gifts add no sorrows.

Thank you Lord again for your protection all through my many trips on the busy highways with bad roads, and under heavy downpours. You were in charge of my life and being faithful that accidents will not be my portion.

Thank you Father for many more blessings. They are much. If I pause a moment, I will remember more. Like that night I was so confused and lost and depressed and You sent the phone call that changed that situation. Can You remember that? Of course you can. And while I'm talking about this, please please please, I need some inspiration and motivation to write some really good stories. I unblock the writer's block in Jesus name. And while we are on this still, PHCN Lord, let them cooperate. Whenever I write 'The End', then they can do whatever they feel like with the electricity supply. And on this still, let notable politicians keep having reasons to come to Rock City, for one party, or book launch or celebration of life or whatever. You know when they come, we have uninterrupted power supply to prove the Gbenga Daniels administration is wonderful.

And thank you Lord for giving Zayzee Limited its very first writer. We will shake the world when that publication comes out. And while we are on this, help me find favour with my would-be investors. You know people need to read that book. Yes. Thank You.

And thank You his test results came out as AA. I wasn't scared cos I knew You are in us and with us. And had that result come out AS, then I woulda done another and it woulda come out AA, and I woulda known You have changed mine or I never was AS. You cure HIV/AIDS, genotype na small thing for You to change.

And of course I thank You plenty plenty for my driving skills. I know You are definitely with me all the way. That reversing to climb a hill, we will master it like we have mastered the rest. You too much.

This new year that has begun, it's You and I all the way.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

WITH PEOPLE LIKE THIS

"Her mother started to scream in the night. When she got to her mother’s room, she met the woman vomiting blood and immediately, she was rushed to the hospital. Hours later the family was told there will be an operation."

I met OG on June 10, less than a month ago. She had come into the office for an interview to fill the position of Office/Domestic Assistant.

We interviewed her and decided to give her the job and she resumed work Monday, June 15. She was told to bring in her credentials and referee forms, already filled, so her file would be opened. OG was hardworking all right. If I had any problem at all with her, it’s the fact that whenever she spoke to me, I had to strain my ears to hear her, she never speaks loud enough, not even on the day of the interview. We strained to hear her that day also. The only person OG could speak freely and audibly to was my assistance, D, through whom she came to work with us.

I got to the office June 19th and was told by D about OG’s mother’s illness. She was discovered in the night. I consoled OG and told her not to worry that she will be alright.

Later in the day, D came to tell me OG wanted to go check on her mother in the hospital. I said no problem. OG came to me to borrow N100 to use for transport fare. She said she will refund when she returned. I didn’t have a N100 change on me so I gave her N500.

OG said she would be back before the close of work. At 4pm I asked D if she was coming back, he said yes. At 4.30pm, I asked D to call her. She didn’t pick her call. When I was about leaving for home, I collected her phone number from D. He said he would go visit OG and her mother the next day.

Saturday morning, I called D to find out when he was going over to OG’s mum, so we could go together, since I had no idea of the place. D’s phone was switched off. I called OG. She didn’t pick. I tried later in the day, same story. D had forgotten his phone charger in the office.

Monday, she came to work and apologized about Friday. She said her phone was stolen from her. She returned my money to me. I wanted to ask her to keep it, but I didn’t. OG said her mother was still in critical condition and the doctor said she had to be transferred to the University Teaching Hospital, Ibadan for operation. I felt bad because she was feeling down. At a point I asked if she was crying because she looked like it, and I told her not to worry that her mother will be fine. She should trust God.

Tuesday, OG took permission to take her mum to Ibadan. I was in my boss’ office and heard her tell OG that from the description of the illness, it might be a spiritual attack and they should take the woman to MFM for prayers. Even my driver had advised OG that she should go take her mother from the hospital and not waste unnecessary money, that native medicine would cure her. I remember asking OG what exactly was wrong with her mum, and she told me she didn’t know the name of the illness in English. Okay.

She was absent from work on Wednesday, meaning she had gone to Ibadan with her mum. In the evening D told me she called saying she was back in Abeokuta and will come to the office. No show.

Thursday, she was absent from work, and D called the number she used the previous day. The guy who picked said she wasn’t around. On Friday, I told D to go find out what was going on. He didn’t know where she lives, that she had just changed accommodation and was about changing again. What?

Before close of work that day, D told me he got through to her and she said, she didn’t want to work anymore because she wanted to take care of her mother.

I felt there was no problem with that. But courtesy demands she comes into the office to inform my boss. Besides, she signed an agreement of six months probation.

Two days ago, Monday, My boss called me from Lagos. After we finished discussing, she asked after OG and I told her chick said she doesn’t want to work anymore.

My boss said she behaved badly. She asked me to tell D to get her to come in because her agreement contract stated a month notice on either side, or forfeit a month’s salary. So either she gives us notice or she pays a month’s salary. It is the company policy. In the case whereby this isn’t done, D, who brought her, would pay the cash.

D definitely wasn’t happy about the whole thing because OG was his church member. It was that day I knew that the address she gave us was unreal.

Yesterday, I came into the office and a whole lot of drama had occurred.
D told me the night before, he called the guy, whose phone OG uses to call D and begged the guy to take him to where OG lives. On getting there, D met a woman outside and told her he was there to see OG’s mum who is ill.

The woman said she is OG’s mother and she isn’t ill. D was confused. He asked the woman if she wasn’t transferred to Ibadan for operation. Woman said no. Then D told her everything and the woman was screaming. She promised to visit our office next morning to see my boss, which she did and I missed that. According to my boss, OG’s mother is very young and healthy. Why all the lies then?

D later told me that OG asked him for a loan of N10, 000 for her mother’s treatment and he said he didn’t have. So OG went to my boss and that was when my boss told her to take her mum to MFM. And later my boss told me she had planned to give OG N5, 000.

And I kept wondering why she did all that? OG had even moved out of her mother’s house months before. Why tell such lies about your mother who is very alive and healthy? Is she wishing her mother good or bad luck? I’m still in shock.