Posts

Showing posts from February, 2008

Just A Baby

Image
check. the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world.

When I was little,

• I used to wonder if adults took off their clothes in the bathroom, before taking a bath.
• I wondered why I was born to be little and not as an already grown adult so I could do all the things adults do.
• I had great imaginations. I told a story of the creation before the creation of the world, when there was wind, one hand was blown here, another wind brought another hand, then a leg, another leg, finally a body, then God was made.
• I believed NEPA lived in the ceiling.
• I used to breastfeed my doll and make a face as though she bit my nipples, like I see nursing mothers do.

So Embarrassing

Image
I have missed church and fellowshipping among the children of God in God’s presence.

Yesterday, I was ready on time, though we got to church late, we were in time for the sermon.

When the pastor came out and told us we had a visiting pastor who would minister to us, I frowned, cos I always like any sermon from my pastor.

So the big shot is the zonal pastor from Ikeja and he immediately led us into prayers that were REALLY uplifting, and I apologized to God for almost not accepting His representative. The sermon was about the Hands of God.
Pray for the Hands of God to lift you out of the island of loneliness, of poverty, of failure, of blah, blah, blah …. Because when the hands of God are upon your life, you cannot go wrong. And we were given bible verses to support the mighty Hands of Gods.

To cut a story short, I enjoyed everything, until the last few minutes before the visiting pastor left.
“Is brother Lekan here?” he asked. “Please come forward.” Then he said something that made me thin…

BECOMING A LESBIAN

In the days when I used to be a journalist, I ran a column titled YOUNG & FREE where I wrote some very nasty and not too nasty things. Some of the articles got me into trouble. Others didn't. One thing it did that I know is that it created an impression of who I am to some, that is teh fake me.

Anyway, this is one of such columns that angered so many and brought so many girls calling me. My only regrets of writing it was when a principal from the north called to tell me he was very disappointed. That his school library buys my paper and his students read my column. 'Imagine what you are telling these young girls?'

Enjoy.

BECOMING A LESBIAN

Is there a girl out there that has never thought of having a go with her fellow girl? Okay, of course there are some boring geeks like that and I wonder just what they do in their lives that give them a kick. Don’t they know that once in a while they have to catch some excitement?

People keep frowning at talks about gay and people who are…

The Case Of An Ex

…. and when the phone rang and I saw the number, I thought it was one of those cranks who call me after getting my number off the newspaper. I was putting little Anabel to bed as I answered, expecting my caller to either hang up or say, ‘baby how now? I see ur advert for magazine and I wanna know you. Baby how can I see u?’

“Who is this?” I asked again, getting ready to tell him never to call again.
“Tayo.”
“Who?”
“Wetin dey do you? U no dey hear? It’s Pius.”
I paused and checked the number again. “Pius?”
“Yes.”
“Are u in Nigeria?”
“Came in yesterday?”
“Welcome back,” I said, hoping that I sounded nonchalant. “So you still have my number.”
“Always had your number.”
“How come you never call?”
“We don’t have anything to talk about?”
{Can u believe the shit!}
“Where are u?” he asked.
“Opebi.”
“Are u serious? I’m in Opebi too.”
I smiled. “Really? Where in Opebi?”
“Cottage. What are you doing in Opebi from Satellite Town?”
I told him.
“Come and see me now. Cottage is in…”
“I know where Cottage is. I have chike…

POST CHICKEN POX

So, it has come and gone that I suffered chicken pox, and celebrated my valentine from the purse that the foul brought for me. Not Bad.

One week of being indoors was no joke at all. I read my novels at the slowest pace that I have ever read because I had to pause here and there to scratch that itchy place, to the extent that I got out of bed one night, switched on the light and chopped off all my nails before it rains disaster into my life in the form of sores.

Thankfully, the pox was wise enough to leave my face the way it is. So no spots. Thank God! As for the others scattered here and there, I am waging war of all sorts I can get my hands on.

OH My GOD!

It is appointed unto man to suffer chicken pox once in a lifetime, after that, no more.

I am screaming and this is not funny. How come I woke up today to discover that I am coming down with chickenpox at my age! Spoke with my dad on the phone to confirm if what I had was chickenpox. I asked if I had it as a child and he said no! Why the hell not? WHY NOT as a child???

They are not much yet, but I itch like hell. What will happen when they start puting to bed? And when they are through with me, hope they will take the spots away, because I scare to think about it! My skin oh oh oh oh. My Face! Sweet Jesus. WHY ME???

Finally I Walked Away

I have been saying I will, I will, since last year. Then finally like Brandy in that her 'Finally' song, I did the same. But while the R&B singer was singing about walking away from an abusive relationship, I am talking about walking away from my job that has been my only source of income for almost three years.

Yes. It is certified, I am so indeed, crazy. But I did it and I don't regret it. NOT even the fact that I am so cashless, totally broke changes the fact.

Before I walked, the rumour had already gone round the newpaper house that Uzezi has left. While some said I have resigned, others said I have started work elsewhere as if they are the ones that gave me the employment, others still, said I left to get married, then others reasonable said, I left to return to school.

Because through out January, I didn't work, they assumed I was gone, whereas, I was struggling to stay alive.

A day to the day I was to resume work, a Sunday, I went to the office to re familiarize…

Back From The Dead.

I have always heard that malaria kills, but I never believed it till I was bedridden 4 two weeks due to that damn illness.

It started like every other malaria and I quickly sent it to hell. Then a week later, after dinner, I threw up and continued vomiting all the through the night. By morning I was so freaky weak and totally dehydrated. First treatment began after the pharmacist prescribed, after three days of no changes, I thought I was going to die. Really. It was then I realised I really wanted to live. I remembered the verse from the bible that asked God of what use the dead were to Him since they cannot praise Him from the grave, and I asked Him the same question. In my weakness and sickness infected body, me myself and I did some serious prayers and binding and believing that by morn, I will be healed.
Then I was found in my room one evening crying because I was tired of being ill. i couldn't do the simpliest task for myself. I couldn't eat anything and the drugs made me …